Whod you bang
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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