I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
