Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found a bag of teeth...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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