don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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