drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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