omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
