Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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