i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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