doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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