My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
