my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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