the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my being single is dangerous.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
