So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
