we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
