could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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