Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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