Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
