Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
