Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We need to get me chipped asap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
