whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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