jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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