you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
