i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
