omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
