We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
