For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
