I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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