Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
