im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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