I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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