Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
