Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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