my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
