Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have already put on my inside pants.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
