The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
