you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
