the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
