is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
