My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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