im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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