you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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