I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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