so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
