Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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