Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
