So drunk its hurt
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
