i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
