Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
