I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
