We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
