What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
